1) You should probably join my mailing list for updates (and occasional free stuff!)
2) I really, honestly can’t read or comment on your work. It’s a legal thing.
3) Sorry, I can’t recommend you to my agent or provide you with a blurb either. It’s a workload thing.
4) Feel free to use this form to solicit a commission for a blog, short story, screenplay, interpretive dance concept – but please include payment info in your initial contact. It’s a professional-not-amateur thing.
5) Spotted a typo? Got a formatting error? The audiobook is in the wrong language? Sorry, nothing I can do. Please contact the relevant publisher. It’s their thing.